A Midwinter's Day Nightmare
by alBBie
Summary: A few potions sprinkled on the wrong people can wreak havoc across Hogwarts. Fun, silly, weird. R
1. Some Bad Advice and a Little Trick

**A/N: **I'm starting another story. Argh, I know I shouldn't, especially what with the not-so successes of my other "Shakespearean" stories… But whatever. I've wanted to write this for a while so I am. Just a funny, weird, silly Hogwarts version of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. Not to be taken particularly seriously. Here's what to pay attention to from Book 6: Slughorn. Here's what **_not_** to pay attention to from Book 6: Everything else.

**Disclaimer: **As usual… I own absolutely nothing…

**00 00 00**

_**A Midwinter Day's Nightmare**_

"Oh, I'm just so excited for the students' production of Pyramus and Thisbe, aren't you, Severus?" Minerva McGonagall said happily to her fellow teacher, Severus Snape, as they sat in the Teacher's Lounge lazily one afternoon.

"I suppose so," Snape said, his face blocked by the Daily Prophet.

"I think it'll be so wonderful!" Professor McGonagall gushed. "The cast will be magnificent, I just know it. And can you believe that this will be a first for Hogwarts? The school has been around for so long; I never suspected for there to be a first when I was working here! Well, I suppose you can't expect there to be plays at Wizarding schools, can you?"

"Mmhmm…" Snape wasn't really paying much attention.

"I have a hunch that even though the students are working without any adult supervision and probably all hate each other because the group is so diverse in terms of houses, this play will be just great!" McGonagall continued, clenching her fists to suppress her giddiness. "Just great…" she repeated to herself.

Snape finally put down his newspaper. "You realize what you just said, don't you?" he said in his lazy, sarcastic drawl.

McGonagall chewed on the inside of her lip for a moment. "Well, I'm just very excited and can't see how I'm going to wait four days to see the wonderful students put on their production."

Snape lifted up his newspaper to his nose once more. "I'm sure it'll go by perfectly quickly," he assured.

Little did they know what was about to go on right in the middle of their precious school…

**00 00 00**

Hermione Granger was one of the last students heading out the door of her Potions class. But Professor Slughorn stopped her on her way out.

"Hermione," he said.

She turned around.

"May I have a word?" he requested.

A few students looked at her and snickered as they left the classroom, thinking that she was in trouble for something. She was sure to give them a few evil glares as she approached Slughorn's desk.

"Yes, Professor Slughorn?" she said.

"Well, Hermione, I was thinking," Slughorn began. "You're a young woman, and I'm sure boys are on your mind, right? I think I know the boy who's just perfect for you."

"Really?" Hermione was extremely taken aback to be hearing this from her teacher. "Who is it?"

"Draco Malfoy," Slughorn said.

Hermione immediately made a horrible face as though she had just eaten the sourest and most disgusting piece of food while she was being tortured greatly by something very pointy. "Draco Malfoy?" she repeated incredulously. "Professor, pardon me, but are you insane? I'd rather eat a textbook than have anything to do with Draco Malfoy."

"But Hermione, you two are absolutely perfect for each other!" Slughorn cried. "You would make the most wonderful couple, I just know it! Why don't you just go out on one date with him?"

Hermione shook her head. "No thank you, Professor," she said. "I'm very sorry." Without another word, she dashed out of the Potions classroom and all the way to her next class, afraid that Slughorn might follow her, putting curses on her to make her love Malfoy or just force her to go on a date with him, her only other option being expulsion! She shuddered at the mere thought.

**00 00 00**

Hermione didn't realize she was alone in the Gryffindor Common Room, reading by the fire that night. It was a chilly night, and the warmth of the fire warmed her from the inside out. There was nothing she liked more than reading a good book by the fire on a chilly night. And that was exactly what she was doing.

She heard someone sit down at the couch a few feet away from the chair she was sitting at. She looked up and laid eyes upon her one true love: Ron Weasley. She had had a humongous crush on him, and every time she saw him she hoped and prayed that he would ask her out. But unfortunately, the day had yet to come.

"Hey, Hermione," he said, meeting her gaze.

"Hey, Ron," she replied. "What are you doing down here?"

"Actually, I wanted to ask you something," was his answer.

Hermione's head was screaming. But, "Really? What is it?" was all she said.

"Well… I was wondering if you wanted to… go to Hogsmeade with me the next Hogsmeade weekend…"

Hermione's head was screaming louder. "Yes! Yes of course!" she answered very loudly.

"Great!" Ron said, jumping up, a huge grin plastered upon his freckly face. "This is awesome!"

Hermione jumped up out of her seat, as well. "Yes, it is!" Without thinking she threw her arms around Ron.

**00 00 00**

Draco Malfoy had come to the realization that there was nothing he could do about it. He was simply in love. He was in love with a Mudblood, no doubt, a Mudblood that he had loathed and hated and spent his entire life hating, yes, but nevertheless he was in love.

Love, what a painful thing.

He just had to make sure that no one found out.

"Hi, Drakie!" someone squealed, pouncing on him.

Once again: Love, what a painful thing.

"Hi, Pansy," Draco groaned.

"What are you doing?"

"Sitting in the Common Room by myself. Alone. With no one else," he responded dully.

"But I'm here!"

"My point exactly," he grumbled under his breath.

Pansy sighed and lay her oddly big head on Draco's shoulder. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Oh, Draco, I love you," she said, for what must have been the fiftieth time that day.

"_Well I love a Mudblood…" _he thought.

**00 00 00**

"The cast of Pyramus and Thisbe. Is everyone here?" Dean Thomas began the first meeting of the cast of the production that was going up in a mere four days. They were all gathered in a small classroom for a brief portion of their lunch break. He looked upon the cast and got no response from them. "Alright," he announced, "I'll read off the names one by one and you'll tell me if you're here or not." He pulled out a piece of parchment from his bag. McGonagall had dubbed him in charge of this play, so he was going to take it seriously. "Harry Potter."

"Yes, I'm here," Harry said. "What part am I down for?"

"Um… It says here you are to play the part of Pyramus," Dean informed him.

"Hmm… Alright, then," Harry reacted. Then, after a beat, "Who is Pyramus?"

"Pyramus is a lover that kills himself for the sake of his love," Dean explained.

Harry blinked.

"Seamus Finnegan?" Dean called before spotting Seamus sitting next to Harry. "Seamus, you are to play the part of… Thisbe…?"

"Who's Thisbe?" Seamus asked.

"The lead female role." Dean sounded confused.

"WHAT? I'M SUPPOSED TO PLAY A WOMAN?" Seamus cried. "You've GOT to be kidding me." He waited for a few seconds. "PLEASE! You're kidding, right?"

Dean shook his head sadly.

"You mean I really have to be a woman in front of the WHOLE ENTIRE SCHOOL?" Seamus shouted in disbelief.

Dean nodded sadly.

"Just let me play two parts," Harry said. "I can be Thisbe, and I'll speak in this little girly voice –" He did so, "'Oh, Pyramus, my love!'" He went back to his normal voice, "– And then I can use a strong manly voice for Pyramus – 'Oh, Thisbe, my lady love!'"

"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that, Harry," Dean said. "These are the parts McGonagall assigned us, and we must use them."

Seamus scowled and Harry pouted.

"Lavender Brown?"

She was sitting next to Seamus. "Here!" she squeaked.

"Lavender you are to play Thisbe's mother," he said.

"Oh, goody!"

"Bla – Blaise Zabini?" Dean was completely surprised to see Blaise's name on the list. He was a Slytherin. And he was friends with Malfoy. Since when was he into theater?

"Yes," he grunted from his spot in the corner of the classroom.

"You are to play Pyramus' father," said Dean.

Blaise had no reaction.

"I'm to play Thisbe's father," Dean read. "And Luna Lovegood. Luna?"

"Oh, yes, sorry," she said. She was sitting in the way back of the classroom, against the wall. She stood up and curtseyed. "What am I to play?"

Everyone looked at her rather confusedly.

"You're to play the Lion."

Immediately Harry burst into laughter.

"Why are you laughing?" Luna asked, puzzled. "That's perfect! I can use my Gryffindor lion hat for a costume!"

"How lovely," Dean said sarcastically. He rolled up the sheet of parchment. "Well, that concludes our meeting for now. Let's meet back in here this afternoon for our first rehearsal."

**00 00 00**

Professor Trelawney stumbled drunkenly into the Teacher's Lounge as Slughorn sat at an armchair, reading Snape's newspaper and sipping a mug of hot tea that afternoon.

"Well, hello there," he said, not looking up.

She didn't respond. Instead she tripped across the room and sat down at the couch.

"So, what's this I hear about you and Severus?" Slughorn started, still not looking up from the Prophet.

"I beg your pardon?" Trelawney said airily.

"I hear that you fancy him quite a bit," Slughorn informed her as though they were merely talking about tea.

"That is quite wrong," Trelawney corrected. "I feel nothing for Snape save for the strong, evil waves I get from him every day when I pass him."

"Mmhmm…" Slughorn said. He finally put down his paper. "Are you sure they're not sexual waves?"

Trelawney jumped at the mention of something sexual. "Excuse me? This is not appropriate language!" she snapped. "Anyway, I can sense some feelings you have for a certain… Minerva McGonagall…"

Slughorn did nothing but chuckle. He stood up and headed toward the entrance to the room. "You have it quite wrong, m'dear. Quite wrong…"

Slughorn left the Teacher's Lounge and wandered through the halls to his classroom. He had several minutes until his next class. He ran into Peeves along the way.

"Peeves," he said. "I could use your help."

"Yes?" Peeves said, floating toward him, an evil, mischievous grin spread across his transparent face. "What dost thou want of ickle Peevsie?"

"Well, I need your help with a little… spell… shall we say?"

"Yes, yes." Peeves was eager to hear what messes he could cause with a teacher's permission.

"I want you to drop just a little of this potion onto Professor Trelawney's eyes when she is sleeping," Slughorn instructed, taking a vial out of his robes and handing it to the poltergeist. "It will make her fall in love with whomever she first lays eyes on."

"Oooh! This should be a fun one!" Peeves declared.

Slughorn heard some voices coming from around the corner. "Sssh!" he commanded his floating companion. The two peered inconspicuously around the corner.

"Where are you going?" Pansy Parkinson shouted to Draco Malfoy from a few feet behind him.

"I told you already, Pansy; it's none of your business!" Draco shouted, turning to face her. "I'm not in love with you!"

Pansy frowned sadly. "Why not?" she whimpered. "Is there someone else who has your heart?"

Draco sighed out of exasperation. "Please, just leave me alone, Pansy!"

"But I love you, Drakie-poo! I love you!" she shouted.

"Keep your voice down!" he said quickly. "Now, please, just let me go."

Slughorn and Peeves ducked into a classroom as Draco stomped by, Pansy running hurriedly after him. When the students were gone, the ghost and the teacher stepped out once again.

"I'll use the potion for good, as well," Slughorn decided. "Put a little bit of it on Draco's eyes when Pansy is near."

Peeves nodded and saluted him officially. "Yes, sir." He flew off with the vial in his hand.

Trelawney was asleep in the middle of a first floor hallway. Peeves dropped a little splash of the pink liquid over her eyes before dashing off and snickering to himself.

He floated through the corridors, poking just his eyes through each wall from classroom to classroom until finally he found what he was looking for. A perfect student culprit. Right below his peeking eyeballs lay a snoring Ron Weasley, sleeping through what was probably a very important Charms class. He dashed just a bit of the juice onto his eyes without anyone noticing before flying off, cackling loudly, the noise echoing through the halls.

"Poor ickle Won-won," he sang. "I wonder who ickle baby will fall in love with when he wakes up…" He laughed again, screeching through the hallways.

**00 00 00**

**A/N: **Yeah, that probably sucked. Well I tried. And it'll be funnier when people fall in love with each other, and what not. So please review! I'll give you a really sharp pair of scissors, like the ones that I have that I LOVE. Haha.


	2. A Love Triangle

**A/N: **Yay! Four reviews!

**katekarson: **I was originally going to make Harry some sort of Puck, but then I remembered Peeves and I was like "Of COURSE he should be Puck…" Anyway, thanks for the review!

**Ghostwriter626: **Yay. Me love scissors also. Haha. Thanks for your review!

**Nova-Janna: **Bwahahaha. Very cringe-worthy, indeed. Imagine your old, fat teacher trying to be a love coach of yours or something? Ack! Thanks so much for reviewing!

**Spooty: **I love _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ also! I'm glad you like the story! Thanks for reviewing!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _A Midsummer Night's Dream, Harry Potter,_ or the lines I use in _Pyramus and Thisbe_.

**00 00 00**

Ron woke up later to find the classroom completely empty. He mentally and sarcastically thanked his kind friends for thinking to wake him up. He quickly gathered up his things and left the classroom.

"Ron, do you know where Draco is?"

He turned. There stood Pansy Parkinson. Suddenly he just felt so completely, totally in love with her. She was beautiful. Everything from her puggy face, to her black roots attached to her bleached hair, from her unnaturally thin figure, to her interesting taste in clothing.

"No," he said airily, staring into her beady brown eyes. He stepped toward her. "You look really beautiful."

"Ugh." She started walking away. "I need to find Draco."

"Wait!" He grabbed her arm and turned her around. "Why do you have to find Draco when I'm here? I'll do anything you want me to do! I love you, Pansy." He had never felt like this toward anyone before.

Pansy looked annoyed. "What about Hermione? What happened to your undying love for her?" Pansy questioned, folding her arms across her chest.

"Hermione? Hermione who?" was Ron's response. "The only person I care about is you, Pansy. I love you with my heart and soul."

Pansy gaped at him. "Are you making fun of me?"

"What? No! No, my beauty, never."

She dropped her arms to her side and stomped her foot. "Yes you are!" she cried, her eyes becoming glossier. "You're making fun of me! What did I do to deserve that? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! But of course everyone has to choose poor, innocent Pansy as the subject of their hatred and cruelty!" With that, she turned on her heel and stormed down the hallway, cursing to herself and mumbling things about "Ron" and "mockery".

"Pansy! My love! Come back!" Ron chased after her.

**00 00 00**

The cast of Pyramus and Thisbe had their second meeting that afternoon in the same small classroom. But now it was filled with props.

"Okay, Professor McGonagall has given me the props for the play," Dean announced, picking up a prop. It was a wall. Suddenly he realized how square it was. And how there were a few holes in it. "What the…?" It looked like someone was supposed to be inside it. "Does anyone understand why there are so many holes in this wall?" he asked the cast.

They peered into it.

Harry shrugged. "Maybe someone's supposed to play the wall," he guessed. "Ooh! I'll play it!"

"Harry, you're in that scene," Dean stated. He then went through the pile of props and soon discovered a note. "I hope you all have read through your scripts and realized that there are lines for inanimate objects, which means that I have given _you all_ the task of assigning who to play which of those roles. – Professor McGonagall," it read. "How lovely," Dean mumbled to himself.

And so it began. The whole cast – except for maybe Blaise – began reading through the script to determine when would be the best time for people to come on and be their "inanimate objects" – of which there turned out to only be two – which proved much more difficult than it seemed because they had to think about costume changes and when the character would next be on, and such.

When it was finally sorted out, Dean read the short list. "Blaise Zabini will play Wall and Lavender Brown will play Moonshine." And then they began their full run-through. Little did they know a certain poltergeist was watching from the wall.

"Thisbe, the flowers of odious savors sweet –" Harry began, reciting his lines as Pyramus, getting very into the part.

"Odorous!" Dean corrected. "It's odorous! Not odious…"

"Odorous savors sweet," he continued. "So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisbe dear. But hark, a voice! Stay thou but here awhile, and by and by I will to thee appear."

Seamus entered and began to speak in a completely monotonous tone, "Most radiant Pyramus, most lilywhite of hue, of color like the red rose on triumphant briar," he said, staring at his script as he spoke, "most brisky juvenal, and eke most lovely Jew, as true as truest horse that yet would never tire, I'll meet thee, Pyramus, at Ninny's tomb –"

"_Ninus tomb_," Dean corrected again, getting slightly irritated.

"Oh," Seamus said. Then, as Thisbe, "As true as truest horse that yet would never tire."

That was Harry's cue to reenter the "stage" (for the moment it was just the center of the classroom), but Peeves recited a quick charm before he stepped away from the wall.

"If I were fair, fair Thisbe, I were only thine."

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Seamus screamed at the top of his lungs. "What the hell is that thing?"

"What the - ?" was Dean's reaction. "Let's get out of here!" he rushed toward the door.

Lavender yelped and ran toward the door; Luna followed Lavender, but walked slowly and curiously by what once was Harry's scarred face. Blaise jumped at the sight and leapt toward the door as well, then trying to remain cool after exposing his fear. The five then quickly escaped from the room. Harry, meanwhile, had no idea what was going on.

"They're trying to sabotage me!" he decided. "They don't want me in the play because they know I'm better than they are, so they're scaring me into thinking that there's something wrong with me. But there isn't." He waltzed confidently out of the room and down the hallway to find Professor Trelawney collapsed against a wall. "Hi, there, Professor," he said as he passed.

She woke with a start. "What is this beauty that I have just lay eyes on?" she said in an even more breathless and airy tone than usual, standing up.

"Um… It's Harry, Professor," Harry said curiously.

"No. It's the most beautiful ass's head I have ever seen," she said. "What marvelous, wondrous beings created you? I foresee a flawless future in store for the two of us. Come with me up to my tower."

"Wha - ?"

But she grabbed his arm and dragged him through the hallways and staircases up to her classroom.

**00 00 00**

"Aah, Peeves, just the ghost I was looking for," Slughorn said cheerily upon finding the mischievous poltergeist after dinner. "Has Professor Trelawney woken up yet?"

Peeves snickered. "Yes. And she fell in love with a Potty-Ass!" he cried.

"A what?"

"Peeves turned ickle Potty's head into a donkey's," Peeves explained. "When Trelawney woke up that's what she saw."

Slughorn let out a chuckle. "That's perfect! Nice work, Peeves."

"Oh, and Peeves has also taken care of the boy," he said.

"Wonderful!" was Slughorn's reaction, thinking that Peeves was talking about Draco, not Ron, falling in love with Pansy.

Suddenly, again the two heard a voice from down the hall.

"Hermione!" it cried. "Where are you going?"

The troublemaking duo could spot Hermione walking down the hall, being followed by Draco. It seemed the situation was a bit different for him this time.

"Why do you care, Malfoy?" she questioned snidely.

Draco swallowed. "Because…" he began. "I just want to know, is that wrong?"

Hermione scoffed. "Go away. I don't know what kind of stunt you're trying to pull with this 'innocent' act, but it's not working." She turned from him and stalked off down the hallway.

Draco collapsed unhappily against a wall and moaned into his hands.

Slughorn felt an odd twinge of sadness for the poor boy and turned to Peeves, who was still hovering above him. "Peeves, get Pansy so that I can sprinkle the potion on Draco's eyes and he'll awake and see her," he said.

"Okay…" Peeves floated off. He found Pansy walking down the steps to the Dungeons, Ron following just a few feet behind, attempting woo her with all his might. Peeves quickly popped in front of them and made lots of noise, throwing books and ink bottles from a nearby classroom at them. Pansy screeched and turned around, racing back up the steps and onto the first floor. He chased after them, continuing to toss things at the pair. Ron didn't pay much attention; he continued to confess his love for Pansy endlessly. Pansy, on the other hand, was scared out of her mind. She soon found herself having been chased to the hallway of the collapsed Draco.

"Oooh! Drakie!" she cried, throwing her arms around him.

He opened his eyes from his unhappy rest. There stood before him the most magnificent creature in all the world.

"Pansy!" for the first time in the history of the universe, he hugged her back.

"Oh, Draco, I've been looking all over for you," she said, gazing into his steel eyes.

"Good. Let's go back to my dormitory," he decided.

The two stood up.

A look of utter disbelief was painted across Pansy's broad face. "What?" she breathed incredulously.

"Pansy, I love you," Draco confessed.

Pansy looked as though she had just swallowed a cockroach.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Ron asked angrily. "_I _love Pansy, and we are going to run off and elope."

"Excuse me?" responded Draco.

"Will you two stop it!" she screamed. "Stop mocking me! Just stop! I know you two hate me and will always hate me, but don't you think this is a little low? A little _terrible_?" She was close to tears now.

"I would never, ever make fun of you, my beauty," Ron said, stepping toward her.

Draco pushed him out of the way. "Neither would I. I love you so much more than that stupid Weasel over there, and you've always loved me. So we're meant to be, aren't we?"

Pansy fell to the ground, sobbing into her hands, tears dripping in between her fingers and slipping to the floor.

"Now look what you've done!" Ron yelled accusationally.

"What? You started this whole mess!" Draco retorted. "If you would have just let me have Pansy in the first place –"

"Hi, Ron!" Hermione cried, suddenly appearing from around a corner. "I thought I heard your voice." She intertwined her arm with his and planted a wet kiss on his cheek.

"What are you doing, Hermione?" Ron asked bluntly.

Hermione answered with a very confused look.

"I'm in love with Pansy, sorry," Ron said inconsiderately, pulling his arm away from hers.

Hermione let out a squeak. "What are you saying?" she said, her voice trembling. "You just asked me out last night, Ron. Where did this come from?"

"I've never realized how beautiful Pansy was." Ron was staring at the weeping "beauty".

Hermione let out another squeak and Pansy erupted in louder sobs.

"Aw, Pansy, it's alright," Draco said, leaning down to stroke her hair.

"No, it's not!" Hermione shouted, pushing Draco away. She yanked Pansy off the ground. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked lividly, practically spitting in the girl's face with anger. "You can't just go around stealing other people's boyfriends, you slut! Ron is _mine_, okay? Not yours! You can have Draco or some other Slytherin sleaze bag, but Ron is completely mine! So get your filthy claws off of him!"

"It has nothing to do with me!" Pansy cried, tears streaming down her face. "They're mocking me with fake love! Don't me mad at _me_, be mad at _them_!"

But the two guys were too engrossed in their own conversation.

"You want to fight me? Is that what you want?" Draco challenged.

"Maybe I do want to fight you!" Ron spat.

"Fine. Right now, outside. Winner gets Pansy."

"If that's the way you want it!"

The two turned and headed toward the entrance to the school. Pansy let out another sob or two before turning and sprinting down the hall in the direction of the staircase to the Dungeons. Hermione grunted and stomped down the hall, following the guys to their match.

**00 00 00**

**A/N: **That felt short, but this story's going to be short, so maybe I'll just make the chapters slightly shorter. If you review I'll give you a big pack of those really cool Fusion pens where the ink is clear but it comes out blue or pink or black or purple or maybe other colors! I like them. Anyway, please review! And I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


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